Uncontrollable tears

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Permalink Reply by Charles Atkinson on October 6, 2009 at 10:26am

In one of the Conference services, Pastor Dave called up anyone who was experiencing this weeping. He mentioned two things that I remember. 1) that these tears can be a cleansing from hurt on the inside, and 2) these tears can be intercession for others - a form of "the groanings that cannot be uttered."

Hope that helps a little.

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Permalink Reply by Toni Ullom on October 6, 2009 at 9:46pm

There has been a lot of hurt in my life but even before the hurt I have always been this way. I thought of it as humbleness but I think its more love, Gods love that consumes me, compassion for those hurting physcially or emotionally and the lost. After listening to Dave's the "Love walk" its even worse when I see people I know or even just pass by and think of them going to hell, no one no matter how bad they have treated me deserves that. I have a friend that was big in the church with the worship service and went off the deep end because of a rebellious spirit, I do feel like my heart is being ripped from me when I pray for her and sometimes it is more of a spiritual moaning that comes from me as I attempt to pray. Buy the time its over I can't see clearly and my eyes are swollen and burning. I've said to Pastor C that I wish I could just have some kind of control over this but he said No, don't ever wish for the tears to go away. I don't think I could if I tried, believe me I have tried, I use to sing with the worship team but quit because of the tears and embarrassment. I went back for a while but have stopped singing again because I can't get past smoking and I don't want to be a stumbling block to others. Until I get this out of my life I am just warming a bench.

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Permalink Reply by Charles Atkinson on October 7, 2009 at 1:58pm

Well, Toni, it sounds like God has discovered someone he can use to intercede through. Contrare - rather than JUST warming a bench, you are his weapon in the secret place. Jesus spilled his life on the cross; you may feel you are spilling your life in tears. And He is not out of balance due to your smoking. As Pastor Dave said when Gary came to him about this, "Are you wanting to start cheating on your wife?" That statment seemed unrelated to Gary, but after further explanation, Gary realized that if he were to suppress the habit through the will power of the flesh, then it would manifest in a different way in a different area of his life. Pastor Dave's advice was to allow the Holy Spirit to root it out of him as he (Gary) submitted himself to the Spirit in prayer.

So let Him continue using you in the manner in which he has found your surrender. He is able to move mountains through your intercession that he is not able to do with others.

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Permalink Reply by Toni Ullom on October 7, 2009 at 9:37pm

The only thing that bothers me about my smoking is that I can remember when I was a kid, I was taught that smoking was going to send the smoker straight to hell and anyone I saw that said they were a christian and smoked, to me was a hippocret, escuse my spelling, I don't want to be a stumbling block by getting up to sing and someone in the audience saying to themselves, man she has a lot of nerve calling herself a christian, I know she smokes. Now understand that Pastor C didn't tell me I couldn't sing with the worship team. Originally I stepped down because I has found I had a rebellious spirit that needed working on, I have that under control now, But I choose to stop till I can get past this and at this rate I may be in heaven before I get this behind me. As Gary said, I smoked for eternity and one day! I think I can stop but then I fall flat on my face and get disgusted with myself. I want to be of help to God and I have a giving nature but this one thing is eating my lunch. I had a lady last week walk up and tell me that she heard me singing and it touched her and made her cry,, I wasn't sure if that was a compliment or not at first..lol... I do love to sing, but when I get up in front of the church and go off into my own space with God, the tears pour and sometimes I wind up with my back to the crowd or wondered off into a corner. Not to sure thats such a good thing.

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Permalink Reply by Charles Atkinson on October 7, 2009 at 10:00pm

(chuckle) Yeah, sister, you might chill on singing with the team for now if You continue to pour out in tears. But what I want to impress upon you is that the tears are not a bad thing if indeed it is intercesion.
Now just be sure the tears are not from condemnation and guilt because you feel bad about smoking. He will walk you out of smoking as you grow stronger in the spirit. Just keep praying in tongues -- keep giving the Spirit the building blocks he needs to apply grace to your life. I'll remind you of one thing i've said before: simply ask Him to change the desires of your heart toward smoking. More important than the smoking is your yieldedness to him for intercession. In that I commend you.

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Permalink Reply by Toni Ullom on October 8, 2009 at 8:56am

No I don't feel condemned on the smoking, its just that I know it's a little hard to talk to those who view it as a short cut to hell. I mean can't you just see someone with an oxygen tank and a tub hanging out of thier nose talking about healing? sheeze, that would sure ruin a witness wouldn't it?

As to the tears, I think it comes from the feeling of such great love and compassion that Jesus had for me and knowing no matter what I can never come close to showing him in this life how precious a gift that is to me. I feel so blessed and honored that he loved me enough to stand by me all this time even when I was running from him, Kind of like Gary when he talks about himself and breaks into tears, that love is so strong its breath taking, Even as I write now I can feel that love so strong that the tears are falling because I feel so unable to do what I want for Jesus. I run Pastor Charlie Rogers website and I know that I'm reaching a lot of people through it but that can't be all I am suppose to do, I just don't know what else there is for me and I feel like such a wimp when it comes to fasting and controling this flesh!

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